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Author intrusion - How to stay in your character’s mind and out of yours
One of the most common writing mistakes I see with my clients’ manuscripts is when characters think, speak, or observe the world around them in a way that’s contradicts who that character is.
In a recent example, the character was a bad-ass biker, very masculine, super protective of those he cared about. He was scoping out the bad guy, someone threatening our character’s budding love interest. In observing the bad guy, our character noted his “clean-cut good looks, smarmy expression, and his custom-tailored Giorgio Armani suit.”
See where that observation went off the rails?
I’m going to make a guess that the general population can’t identify, on sight, whether a suit is a) custom-tailored, or b) designed by Giorgio Armani specifically, unless they are in the fashion industry, a devoted fashion industry follower, or the person wearing the suit. Most likely, a guy who grew up riding Harley Davidsons, who works in a garage, and hangs out in biker bars, isn’t going to know that just by looking at the other guy. (Of course, there are always exceptions, but you get my meaning. It didn’t fit this character.)
This is classic "author intrusion" (sometimes called "narrative intrusion" or “authorial intrusion”). We’re going to learn to recognize author intrusion here, as well as how to avoid it.
Author Intrusion
So what exactly is author intrusion? My definition would be: A deviation in the story that calls attention to the author rather than remaining true to the viewpoint character.
Aside from the above (a character knowing something he wouldn’t know), another way author intrusion can rear its ugly head is through opinions and feelings that aren’t true to character but that express the author’s own opinions or feelings. This can take the form of preachy political or religious expression that doesn’t fit the character, but is, rather, something the author wishes readers to hear.
Certainly, there are many avenues writers can use to express their thoughts and feelings about the world, but in a lot of instances, having characters in a novel express those opinions isn’t the right platform. Projecting your own opinions onto the characters comes off as disingenuous at best, and truly annoying at worst.
So don’t sit down in the middle of a conversation between your characters and start expressing your own thoughts. This is author intrusion at its finest. If a conversation is between your characters, you need to stay out of the way. You weren’t invited to the party. It’s your job to ensure that your characters are real people in and of themselves. Our characters are independent of us...or should be. They have backgrounds and histories, regional influences, and familial traits that are apart from us as writers. When in a character’s viewpoint, you need to be in their viewpoint, not your own.
Recognizing Author Intrusion
When does author intrusion happen? When an author interjects what they know or believe into the story rather than what the point of view character knows or believes. Sometimes this occurs when the author has done a lot of research and wants to ensure that they don’t waste all the new knowledge they gained through that research. Sometimes, it’s the belief that the reader needs really specific details in order to understand.
Below are some examples in a few different categories of author intrusion. Do you recognize any of them?
Author Intrusion in Knowledge — This one is probably the one I most often see, when a character knows something they wouldn’t know, based on their characterization. The example above, about the biker recognizing that another guy is wearing a Giorgio Armani suit is a great example. The author thought the reader should know that the guy was rich and wore designer suits, but they imparted that information in a way that amounted to author intrusion, rather than staying true to their point-of-view character.
I do want to point out that the above example was not meant to stereotype a character. Certainly, well-rounded characters will have some surprises up their sleeves that make them interesting and out of the norm. You could, one hundred percent, have a bad-ass biker dude who also knows men’s fashion by sight...but you better have set that up as a character trait and have a good explanation for it.
For example, maybe the character wears leather jackets and chaps by night but is really a wealthy billionaire who actually wears Giorgio Armani custom-tailored suits by day. Bam! Much more realistic that he might recognize that suit, because he has one in his closet just like it. Otherwise, it comes across as "unexplained knowledge." Something that character has no business knowing.
If an observation, thought, or fact doesn’t fit your character’s profile, you need to ask yourself a few questions:
- Is this how this particular character would observe something? Would they actually know this fact or information? If so, how? Even if you don’t explain it outright, it must be hinted at prior to this observation being made.
- If not, is the information important enough for the reader to know? In the example above, assuming our main character wouldn’t know a Giorgio Armani suit from a Walmart special, is it vital that the reader know that it’s specifically a Giorgio Armani suit, or is it okay for him to just describe it as a "fancy-ass" suit? If the specific detail of the suit designer’s name isn’t important, leave it out!
- If the information is vitally important for the reader to know, but the viewpoint character doesn’t know that information, how can you relay it in a way that isn’t author intrusion? Can another character who does have a reason to recognize fashion comment on the suit designer? Can smarmy guy himself announce that he’s wearing a custom-tailored Giorgio Armani suit for some reason (further establishing his character as a braggard)?
Another question might be if it would be realistic for anyone, let alone this particular character, to know this information. An example might be the very specific color of a specific make and model of a car. I drive a maroon (or burgundy) Toyota. I have never once thought of the color of it as specifically "Ooh La La Rouge Mica." I didn’t have the slightest idea that’s what it was until a friend asked me and I looked it up. In a normal conversation, I might tell someone I drive a maroon Toyota. I would not tell them I drive an Ooh La La Rouge Mica Toyota. That information is not in my wheelhouse, not important, and can be expressed as "maroon" without effect on the story.
So really consider whether the information is a) vital to the reader to know, b) common enough knowledge that most people would know it, or c) able to be expressed in some other way without compromising this character’s point of view.
Author Intrusion in Setting — What if author intrusion isn’t about a character, but about a setting? Just because you researched every detail of Elvis Presley’s home in Memphis, doesn’t mean you need to include all that in your book.
Instead, be sure you filter facts and research through the point of view character(s). In any situation or setting, one character might notice details of architecture, while another might notice the smells or the people present in the setting. Maybe neither of these characters knows anything about the history of the place, because they just don’t care. If that’s the case, don’t insert yourself in the story by spouting historical facts just because you find them interesting. That’s author intrusion.
Author Intrusion in Speech — Writing a historical novel? Be sure your character doesn’t use expressions you use (or hear in present day life). You might love a particular exclamation when you’re mad, but if that expression didn’t come into popular use until the 1990s, then it’s not going to work for a character in the 1700s.
Your characters should sound like themselves, individuals with their own hopes, dreams, and backstories. Their speech may be influenced by locale, regionality, ethnicity, etc. They should not just sound like you, the author. Unless you’re writing an autobiography, you are not a character in this book. You may certainly create a character that has some of the same opinions, thoughts, characteristics, and speech patterns as you, but they need to serve that character and the particular story you’re telling now, not be a way to force your own opinions on the reader.
Author Intrusion in Characterization — Another way author intrusion can express itself is through inconsistent or unrealistic characterization. For example, having a homophobic or racist character speak using politically terminology, so that you don’t offend the reader. Either ditch that character trait or stay true to the character without intruding on the story with how you would speak as an ally.
Writing ugly horrible people is hard and not for the faint of heart. If you can’t not insert your opinions and beliefs on that character, you shouldn’t be writing them. On the other hand, if the growth of that character lends itself to changing that aspect of their personality, and it works for your particular book, you might end up with a character behaving much differently later in the book than they did at the beginning. They may become more in line with your beliefs...but only if it fits the scenario, not just because you wish everyone would change in real life.
Exceptions to Author Intrusion
Is author intrusion ever okay? In general novel-writing, I’d say no. I’ve written this article with the idea that "accidental” author intrusion is never okay. However, sometimes, when used intentionally, an author can insert themselves in the story with purpose.
An example of this might be if you have an omniscient narrator. In a case like that, keep in mind that your narrator is still a character in this particular story. They may be “all-knowing” when it comes to what’s happening in the story and in each character’s life (and whether one of the characters is wearing Giorgio Armani), but the narrator still should not become the author’s megaphone-wielding, soapbox-standing, opinion expresser.
Instead, remaining true to your characters creates a closeness between the reader and the story. Author intrusion, projecting yourself into your fictional world, creates distance, confusion, and lack of faith in the author. If you find yourself getting critiques that say things like “This character wouldn’t say that” or “your character wouldn’t know this,” check it out. Are you inserting yourself into the story rather than remaining true to your point of view characters? If so, take a step back, and try again.
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